My best girlfriend is coming to town today. We have been super close since my freshman year of high school. She is two years older than me, but we have never lost contact and each time we see each other we don’t miss a beat.
I have not always had good friends. I had friends that were good to me for a period of time and then weren’t for me anymore. I always thought that i needed to have like 10 friends or something was wrong with me. I was wrong, you only need one or two good friends.
Growing up, i was in a group of 7 girls. We played sports together and they were my friends. They were also the same girls who bullied me. I ended up moving lunch tables and tried to find better friends. I started to make a list of the qualities i wanted in a friend. I decided i was going to be picky with those whom i let close to me. I would be nice to all but close to few.
I wanted my friends to be honest. I wanted them to tell me the truth even when it might hurt my feelings. I wanted my friends to be supportive in everything and happy for me when i succeed, not jealous. I wanted my friends to be reliable, keep their word, not flake on me and be there when i need them. Understanding, that they would listen to me and give me space to feel my feelings instead of telling me to just get over it.
My friend was the answer to all of these prayers. She tells me the ugly truth. She is always pushing me to be the best i can be and is not jealous of me. She is there when i need her and keeps her word and my secrets. She loves me for me no matter where i am in life and what i am going through. I know if i need someone she is the first one at my door.
I love her to death. I also had to learn that before i could have a good friend i needed to be a good friend. I had to practice all of the qualities i wanted my friends to have. It is important to be a good friend even when others are not kind to you. It is important to get really good at being a good friend so you can have good friendships. A lot of times we have to BE the friend we want in our own lives.
So, what do you want in a friend? How can you start to become a better friend?
It is also important to note that you do NOT need to be friends with everyone. You need to be kind to all, but close to few. You will have one to two good friends that you trust and would go to bat for. You will also have 5 acquaintances that you like and will hang out with and have fun, but you will not share personal things with them. This is normal. Not everyone gets permission to have a piece of your heart.
You should be picky with who you allow to be close to you. Whose opinions you value. Whose advice you take. Who you let into your heart. You get to choose. You become those you surround yourself with, so choose wisely.
I know waiting for a good friend is hard. It gets hopeless being good friends to those who don’t reciprocate. Make a list of qualities that you want in a friend. Start to be those. Pray for your friend. They are out there. You don’t want to settle for just any friend. Have faith and know that it is okay to be picky. You will meet the friend that is an answer to prayer. True friends are worth the wait.
Until then, be the friend you want to have.
Be kind to all, but close to few.
Be a friend to yourself.
From someone who does not have a lot of friends,
From someone who is still learning how to be a good friend,
From someone who is picky with who i let near my heart,
From someone like you,