Hello, My name is Bela. I have a four-month-old as i currently right this. I have learned a lot of things during the past year and a half with being pregnant, giving birth, and now being postpartum. There were many things that women around me did prepare me for that i had NO idea about. And there were many things that I was not aware of and had to find out on my own. Our bodies are wild and can do and experience wild things that are actually normal. I feel like being a mom is like being in a secret society because the struggles, emotions, hormones, and interesting things our bodies do are not spoken about as much as I personally think they should be.

I pray that this article can help you better prepare for the journey of bringing a precious life into this world. You are not alone. Many other women have walked this path, faced this anxiety, the unknown and the anticipation. You are safe here.

The first thing I want to prepare you for is other people’s opinions. I don’t know what has gotten into some people’s water but some of the crap that was said to me while pregnant was outrageous and honestly rude. People including those you know and those you don’t- think being pregnant or being a new mom is an invitation for unsolicited advice. (It’s not by the way)

Your hormones will be wild (more on this later) and you will probably be feeling insecure (more on these topics later) SO when people come up to you and make comments on the size of your body, it stings and is very annoying. When people tell you “just WAIT” in a negative way, it is very discouraging. When people are NOSY about your body and the choices you want to make for your birth and your parenting, it is SO unnecessary. So if you are reading this and someone you know is pregnant, PLEASE on behalf of pregnant women and new moms everythere- don’t be that person. Like we were taught in kindergarten, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Just keep your trap shut. Thanks.

My reasoning for bringing this up is to prepare you and also help brainstorm responses for when these moments do arrive. My favorites are listed below:

“What an interesting comment to make”

“What makes you say that?”

“I don’t feel comfortable discussing that. Thank you for asking though.”

You are not expected to share your birth plan, potential names, parenting methods, struggles, or anything else with those who THINK they are entitled to this information. They are not.

Sadly, everyone will have something to say. Everyone has their own opinions. It is kind of a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation of being pregnant and being a mother. You have to do what is right for you and your family. It starts now. It is way easier said than done but God chose YOU to be this little human’s mother and he will equip you. If you need help or want advice or opinions ASK. If you do not, it is not unkind to let those around you know that you are not wanting their opinions and that you want the space and grace to be able to learn and decide things on your own. You are your own person and there is no one else exactly like you. And that is OK!

Secondly, I think it important to stress just how much your body goes through. You literally grow a human and then your body heals itself. What a MIRACLE!!!! However, feelings of insecurity and self-doubt are super common because your body does go through so much. Also applying what was mentioned earlier, people think it’s ok to comment on your body because you are growing a baby. No one should be commenting on your body unless it is to tell you how amazing you look. You are obviously going to grow. You will be bigger than you used to be and that is OK! Some people may think you aren’t as big as you should be– as long as the baby is healthy that is all that matters. Shame on those who feel like it is ok to say anything about anyone’s body.

Next thing, after birth you will bleed for 4-6 weeks. Your bleeding can be an indicator if you are doing too much. You really really really need to give your body time to heal. You need to be a couch potato. Your pelvic floor is at stake here. Pelvic floor issues are the following: lack of bladder control, constipation, painful sex, back pain, and more. It is really important to speak to your partner about what each of your roles should be after birth. If I could choose for you I would say you rest and do as little as possible for at least 2-4 weeks while he takes over until you can move a little more. Your body is recovering from the hardest thing it will ever do, as well as making milk, and lacking sleep and hormone balance. Don’t feel obligated to come home and keep up with housework right away. Schedule people to come do it for you so that you can rest. Housework will always be there. You need to take care of yourself and surround yourself with those who will help you take care of you.

Your stomach will still look pregnant after you give birth AND feel like jelly for about 6 months (different for everyone). It took you about ten months to grow this baby and it will take your body time to recover from this baby. You will not just shrink back down right away and that is OK. Once you are cleared by your doctor you can start core rehab workouts which will help heal, strengthen, and shrink. After a while you can workout as normal but it is important to prioritize healing and rehab over “bouncing back.” Be kind to yourself. You are amazing. Your body is amazing. You will feel like you again and you will meet your fitness goals again, in time.

When your milk comes in your boobs will hurt and literally feel like boulders. This is normal. If you are breastfeeding, there will be a slight stinging sensation by your armpits when you are starting a feed. This is known as the “let down” and it does not sting like that forever just for the first few weeks. It is important to stay hydrated and nourish your body to maintain your milk supply and give your body what it needs to heal. ALSO, there is not one single hole in the nipple for breastfeeding- your nipple is like a sponge with many pores that milk comes out of. It is also normal to leak randomly or even spray.

Lastly, you will not get any rest in the hospital. They come to check on you like every hour. It is very very annoying but they want to ensure your well-being. It is important that you and your partner decide who you are going to let know that you are in labor, who you want in the room, who you will text when they are here, and who you want to visit you right away (if anyone). As well as the “rules” you would like visitors to follow. (Wash hands, don’t come if sick (yes, stuffy nose counts) don’t expect to hold the baby unless offered, stay for only x amount of time, bring food, help, be prepared if I need to whip a boob out, etc.)

I told my family that we would let them know when we want visitors. We wanted to make sure to have time to settle in and not be overwhelmed by people. We did, however, plan for our moms (or someone we were comfortable with) to come over and just be a helping hand for a little bit. Visitors take up a LOT of energy which you don’t have so we only did a few people at a time. You will be vulnerable, sore, bleeding, leaking, and lacking sleep. It is your baby and no one is entitled to come see them. Speak with your partner, have boundaries, and stick to them. You don’t know what you don’t know and that is OK. You will learn as you go.

I hope this article is helpful for first-time moms. I think we are wholly unprepared for what to expect in this new season. I want to continue this series so let me know if you have any topics you would like to hear more of.

You got this.

Your body was made for this.

You were chosen to be this little human’s mother.

From someone who is a new mom.

From someone who has no idea what she is doing.

From someone who is doing her best.

From someone like you,

Bela