1/6/20

Hello Sweet Friend,

Today as I woke and checked my phone, I had a message from an old friend. We grew apart because I was going after dreams that went against the normal, and was seen as crazy for it. (still am) In this message he apologized to me. He said he was sorry for not being supportive. He thought I was doing things for attention and not to genuinely help others. He said he viewed my life as perfect, and didn’t understand my hurt or insecurities.

His perspective on my life was “She has it so good. What could be wrong in her life?”

How many times have you thought that before?

I know I have.

Man, how wrong we can be.

I am not saying my life is horrible and the worst thing ever, because its not. But I, like everyone else, have faced some really hard things and have had my heart and trust broken many times.

I get tired of feeling like I need to explain why my heart is hurting to others who view the situation as “not that bad” or “it could be worse.” I get it. It totally could be, but that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt me.

Just because someone is in a full body cast, does not mean that my broken leg doesn’t hurt.

Society likes to one up each other on who is more miserable. Why? Why can’t we all have our struggles and do our best to love each other through them.

Life can be tough. No one needs someone else to tell them that their hurt is not valid because it could be worse.

I am not saying that this is an excuse to mope around all day and be mean to others when you are hurting. I am saying that this is permission to feel hurt. To feel sad. To feel angry. To feel betrayed. To feel ashamed. To feel worthless. Regardless of if someone has it worse than you or not. These are YOUR feelings.

You owe no one an explanation.

Feel whatever you want. They are just feelings. There are no good or bad ones. But not feeling them or not feeling allowed to feel them, will hurt you. On the flip side, living and soaking in your feelings will also hurt you. Remember, there is a difference between feeling your feelings and living in them.

The next time someone tells you that they don’t understand why you are so hurt, so mad, so sad, and you feel the need to explain or justify yourself, don’t.

The next time someone tells you to “get over it” because it isn’t that bad, or “there is worse” ignore them.

You are allowed to feel.

You are allowed to feel and go on with your day. You are allowed to be hurt and still do things that make you happy. You are allowed to be angry and laugh. Without justifying it to anyone.

I wish someone would have told me this sooner. I held all my feelings in because I though they were bad. I thought I had to be happy or I wasn’t “worth” as much. This caused me to bottle everything up, and then later on, explode. The aftermath was never pretty.

Deep hurts don’t just go away. They take time and love to heal.

You get to choose each day if you are going to let your feelings control you. You also get to choose if you are going to give yourself permission to feel your feeling and love yourself in the middle of your mess. You get to choose how you live your life.

Be patient with yourself, and others.

You never know what is going on in someone else’s heart, or their home. No matter how “good” their life looks. So be kind to them, and stop making judgments on what you see.

Start giving others the space to be who they are and feel what they feel, with no explanations. Do the same for yourself.

Forgive those who mistake what they see on the outside for all there is to your life.

We have all done it a time or two.

From someone who struggles with her feelings,

From someone who feels the need to rationalize herself to others,

From someone who struggles with judgement and comparison,

From someone like you,

Bela.