6/13/19

Hello Sweet friend,

I wanted my first post to be for you to get to know me and have an understanding about me and why i write. writing has always been an outlet for me. it has always been a place where i can be real and raw. No one can interupt, no one (usually) judges my grammar or mispelt words. (usually i journal but i am trying something new.) No one can tell me what i feel or what i think is wrong. This is MY space to clear my head, be honest with. myself, and to process through hard things in my life.

I am 18. I am the oldest of six siblings. Only four live with me, two live with my biological dad, whom i don’t see. I love music. I love taking long drives and zoning out and jamming. I love hanging out with my family. I m goofy and i love being around people who aren’t afraid to be real or goofy.

A few things I want you to know before I write more: I will do my best to always be honest and never sugar coat anything. I want to be real and raw even if it hurts or even if it is uncomfortable. Life is hard for everyone. There are things that stop us in our tracks, and i want to be able to talk about everything and anything. In this blog you will not find “The Three Steps to: ” I am here to share my heart, what is on my heart, and go through life sharing my struggles and have a voice.

I am not perfect. I am honestly a messy masterpiece in progress. I am striving everyday to be better than the day before. I am trying to learn from myself and from mistakes so i can do better and be better. I want to share my failures, lessons, and revelations with you.

I am bad at feeling my feelings. I sometimes feel guilty and ashamed of what i feel so i don’t allow myself to feel them which in turn prevents myself from healing. I am learning that whatever i feel is valid. It might not be reality or true, but my feeligns are valid. I am allowed to feel whatever i feel.

I have a big heart and I tend to give to much without getting any back. People suck me dry and i am left filling myself just to be dumped out. I am in the process of filling myself and using that to fill others without draining myself.

I respect whatever you believe but I personally am in the middle of learning about who jesus is. My whole life i have been told what to believe, who jesus is, and what is right and wrong. I want to learn for myself who jesus says he is, how he sees me, who he says i am, and how i am to live my life. I do not want to let people who are misrepresenting him, affect how i see him. I love all people no matter who you love, what you look like, or how you live.

I want this to be a space for us to be real and honest. I hope my words will relate with you and maybe make a difference in your life. I hope you know that you are more than enough and so loved. I am on my journey to love myself and others as much as possible. I want to be able to accept everyone for exactly who they are and meet them where they are at.

I think we are the most beautiful when we are real, raw, broken, honest, our truest self, hiding nothing. Your brokenness is welcome here. I hope you welcome mine and give me grace as i do my best to navigate this life and share it with you.

You are welcome here.

Love someone like you,

Bela.